I haven’t published a personal blog post in a while, but when I started blogging back in 2015, I wanted my page to be a bit of an extract from my soul and talk about personal things every now and then, things digging deeper than trends and outfits. And yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I should share today’s topic on the blog or not, but I figured that many people could see parts of themselves and relate to this.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
So, I found myself stuck in another battle with my thoughts recently. To be precise, I’ve been struggling with the idea of having my life all figured out. Having finished my studies and having started applying for jobs, to my overly ambitious self, this seemed like an obvious, “adult” thing, having a carefully thought-out plan for the future. While I spent my college years changing my mind and trying to find my place in the world, pressured by the expectations of starting a career, I kept telling myself that now is the time to figure out and make a full stop behind what it is that I really want to do with my life. The thought of not having every single detail planned was a scary thing to me. And I felt a bit like a lost case not having a true answer to all the “What are you going to do with your life” questions following my graduation certificate.
It’s not easy figuring out exactly what it is that we want to do in our lives, and I’ve put so much stress on myself that I ended up feeling more clueless than ever. But frankly, thinking about it now, I’m not even sure what it means to “have one’s life all figured out”. Does it mean having an amazing career, doing what you love? Finding the love of your life? Knowing who you are and where you want to be? Or simply having a vision for the future? What exactly is it that we are supposed to figure out? And what if I would find myself spending my whole life trying to do so?
ONE CHOICE AT A TIME
As I kept on thinking about it, I tried to approach things in a different way, starting by figuring out only one thing at a time. “Figuring it all out” is no longer about having my whole entire life planned, but rather deciding about the next chapter in my life, focusing on the now and taking one step at the time. Things will most likely change with time, anyway. I started a whole different career path just over 4 years ago, finding myself now in a complete opposite direction, yet the path that I felt I should be following.
Life, personality and knowledge will always keep changing. Relationships will come and go, things will be learned and new passions discovered, for the rest of our lives. And thinking about it, what would we be without change? No, I don’t have to figure out my life right this second.
I still have no idea what I want to to in 10, 20 years from now, and am even still trying to figure out what I can do to make myself happy right now, but that’s totally okay. I decided for myself that I can start something without knowing how things will develop.
IGNORING THE PRESSURE
I still feel society’s pressure to do certain things sometimes, but not as much as I am putting the pressure on myself. I decided to just ignore it for now. Ignoring the advice and following your own instinct. No one else is living my life, after all. And I know I’ll have to make choices eventually, but I’m trying my best not to stress myself out over it. And for now, I laugh about the confusion and address people’s questions with a smile, giving the best to my passions and letting my life come one step at a time.